Have you ever had love show up in your life only to feel it slip away? Do you ever question why you can’t find true happiness in your relationships? I received the following question from one of our readers and I wanted to share my answer with you in case it might help you, too.
I’ll call my reader Q. Here’s the note she wrote to me…
I am 51 and have been divorced for 6 years. I had everything I could want materially but felt lonely and unloved. I left. A year and a half later I met a beautifully spiritual man and was so happy. But his environmental business took him away to another country where 5 years later he remains yet we are still together. We are on a special mission to provide remediation of highly contaminated land and water in Nigeria due to the oil companies. Things did not go as planned and thus he has remained. It has been a very challenging journey for us and especially him. I am very empathetic and feel the need to support him through this very difficult time. But sadly I have sacrificed my happiness and all that I sought to have. I found love and the spiritual connection I always wanted but it has been put to the ultimate test. We see each other very little but remain devoted to each other and we hope he will return soon. My issue is the painful emotional struggle of loneliness, fear of knowing if he is still the one after all this time but a devotion that is stronger than my fear. I have two daughters and many friends who question my devotion as they see the pain of my loneliness, sadness and loss of vitality. I know I am suffering emotionally and fight each day to stay grounded and motivated. I have two beautiful daughters that I am raising on my own which I have been 100% devoted to. I do see this as a blessing. I spend a lot of my time in my head questioning my life, my journey and why I am in relationships that cause me such pain when I am such a loving, devoted and nurturing soul. I love this man deeply, have given him 5 years of devotion but unsure of the future. How can I find happiness, motivation, vitality once again while journeying through this difficult time? I believe all things happen for a reason and I am wondering what is the lesson here…is it going to strengthen my relationship because of the journey we have endured together? So many questions, fears and chatter goes on in my head. I want to feel strong, eliminate my fear and go forward with a mindset that empowers me, gives me greater faith in my journey and the future. I want to be me again!!! Could you please share your thoughts.
Q, I see this so often. I remember years ago a woman called my office in tears. I had never met her nor did I know her. I could hear and feel her grief. It was gut-wrenching. When I asked her what was making her so sad, she said she missed her son. My first thought was that he must have passed. Due to the extent of her grief, I was quite surprised to learn that he had left for college a year prior and she had not gotten over it.
I asked her to take a moment and think about her relationship with her son. I asked, “What did he give to your life?”
“He was playful,” she replied.
“So, you’re telling me that the you have no playfulness in your life now?” I asked.
She took a deep breath and said, “Yes. That’s it. I miss the playfulness.”
I explained to her that her crying was the little girl inside of her needing playtime again. She had depended on her son to bring playfulness to her life. But when he left, she did nothing to take care of herself. As soon as I explained to her what was happening, it was as if her cloak of grief left.
Q, this is the same for you. This situation with the man in your life is a gift. You’re being asked to learn to love and nurture yourself, to fill yourself up so that you feel loved by your own actions.
I took a look at your energy and saw the little girl inside of you. I asked her what she wanted me to tell you. She said, “Tell her to pay attention to me. Tell her to spend time with me. I want to have fun with her. I want to get out and spend time doing things I love. I want her to quit ignoring me.”
Q, it sounds as if you’ve been putting yourself on the backburner waiting for your man to return. You said you are 100% devoted to your kids, but what you’re really needing is to be completely devoted to loving yourself. Your kids need to see you filling yourself up with joy and love. Right now, your actions are sending a message loud and clear that says love is all about suffering. And that is not the truth. True love is joyful. True love begins within, taking full responsibility to make yourself happy.
I want to encourage you to take back the reins of your life. Instead of waiting on your man to fill you up, be a Woman Leader of Love.
Think of yourself as the Divine Mother to the little girl inside of you. Ask her what she needs from you to feel loved. And then take action. As you stop putting your inner child in the corner, you will have that spiritual connection you crave, but by creating it within. And by doing so, you will make an opening to receive your man back into your life and have a deeply fulfilling relationship with him.
Your sense of wanting to be you again, to be happy and vital, is based in one simple thing: giving yourself permission to love yourself.
Here’s the cool thing about this situation with your man being gone so long. This whole situation is a mirror to your Worthiness Quotient. It’s rather low right now. This situation is telling you that it’s time to heal.
Your Worthiness Quotient is how much you are open to receive love, support, and nurturing. And it’s based in your energetic vibration. You want a wonderful, intimate, spiritual and loving relationship in your life. You crave true love. And it seemed that this man was giving it to you. However, your dream disappeared because you don’t have full permission to receive this kind of abundance.
Q, your mission now is to raise your Worthiness Quotient so your vibration will match true love. Energy attracts like energy. The relationship that you crave with this man is a high vibration. Right now, your vibration and what you want don’t match. To raise your Worthiness Quotient, you have to love yourself into abundance so your vibration will attract this man back into your life, or something even better. The key is that you must love and nurture the little girl inside of you to raise your Worthiness Quotient.
I want to encourage you to make loving yourself your number one priority. You are the one who has to bring the vitality back to your life. No one can do this for you.
I also want to invite you to get my free ebook below. Women Leaders of Love will explain further what your Worthiness Quotient is and how to raise it to receive the things you want. It will also explain why this is your greatest act of service, especially for your kids.
Q, you deserve the love you crave. And so do your kids. Please take a stand for loving and nurturing yourself so you can be an example of what true love is.
Do you see yourself in Q’s story? Or is there another area of your life in which you struggle receiving the love you want? If so, grab my FREE ebook now and I will show you how to raise your Worthiness Quotient and become a Woman Leader of Love.