I took my little Maltese, Squirt, to the vet this morning for some testing. She’s sick. We’re not sure what’s going on with her, but we do know that something is wrong. She constantly pants, drinks a lot of water, her liver enzymes are nine times higher than they should be, and, just overall, she hasn’t been herself lately. I kept thinking that her acting differently was simply old age setting in. Squirt is 12. But the doctor, says, “No, there is definitely something wrong.”
I’ve known Squirt is going blind as she can’t see anymore to climb up the steps at night.
So, as I handed her over to the nurse this morning, I looked into her cloudy little eyes. She just stared at me. I could almost feel her pleading, “Please don’t leave me.”
Needless to say, I got in my car and drove away with tears flooding down my face.
This dog is my baby. But she is so much more than that. From the moment we saw her and she nestled into my left shoulder, there has been a connection between the two of us. She is an earth angel, one of God’s littlest messengers sent to me.
I remember when we brought Squirt home. She weighed all of one-and-a-half-pounds. She was so small that she fit in my hand. It was at this time that I was diving into my path of loving myself unconditionally. Squirt was my reminder to laugh, to play, and to be gentle with myself. Every time she greeted me at the door, she let me know that nothing really mattered but that present moment.
Then there were the times, and let me say there were many, that Squirt would growl and sometimes nip at people. She’s not perfect by any means. But even in those moments, she was a gift to me. Squirt mirrored how I would react when I was in fear. I didn’t nip at anyone! But I did find myself often lashing out. So, by watching this little earth angel and having compassion for her fear, I was reminded to have compassion for myself.
With each year that has passed, Squirt and I have both matured. Yes, we’ve both gotten older, but by watching her, I have matured both emotionally and spiritually as well. My heart is so much fuller and open as a result of bringing her into our home.
So now, as I sit here, I have no idea what we’re about to face. We may have a very short time with Squirt, or we may still have years before she passes on. What I do know for sure is that she has been and always will be an earth angel, one of God’s littlest messengers sent to me.