How Are You Affecting Your Kids?

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Have you ever considered how your example affects your kids? I’m guessing if you’re a parent, you have. You want the best for them. You don’t want to see them struggle.

I hate seeing kids struggle. I hate seeing them feel as if they’re not enough. I hate seeing them drive themselves into the ground in school to compete. And I hate seeing them believe that they must “get it right” to be loved, happy and successful. In other words, I hate seeing kids struggling with their Worthiness Quotients.

I was one of those kids. I know what it feels like to believe you must “prove” your worth. And what I know for sure is that I learned it from my parents. 

Mom and Dad both performed trying to “get it right.” Momma did it by giving up her dreams and being a stay-at-home mom. She suppressed her needs and her voice, working herself into the ground trying to prove that she was a good mom.

Daddy did the same. His goal was to be highly successful and provide for his family. He spent his life trying to prove that he was better than his dad.

Both of my parents spent their lives trying to “prove” their worth. In other words, their Worthiness Quotients were not very strong. They believed they had to live up to certain standards to “win” love, success and happiness.

Mom and dad believed being good was the pathway to proving their worth. They sent that message to my sister and me with the rules they had for us. But it was more how they treated themselves that affected me. I watched their examples and learned that I, too, needed to be good and prove my worth.

Here’s the problem with this attitude: Feeling like you need to prove your worth takes you away from being the real you. And that sucks.

It sucks because it creates suffering. As a kid, when you see your parents always trying to “do the right thing” to prove themselves, you subconsciously take on a belief that you need to do the same. You’re always thinking about what you “need to do” to get your parents, teachers and friends to tell you that you’re ok. And then you grow up doing the same damn thing.

You would never have known that my Worthiness Quotient was mediocre when I grew up. I looked to have everything: great grades, accomplishments, and a great family. Some might have compared our family to the old tv show, “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.”

But like most families, there was an underlying theme that said, “You need to be good to prove your worthiness.”

Being good meant you had to put your feelings on the backburner. You had to deny yourself, not speak your needs, nor live your dreams. And you had to make others’ feelings and opinions more valuable than your own. In other words, you had to treat others as if they mattered more so you could “win” their love in return.

Most of us have been raised to believe these attitudes are the loving thing to do. But when you realize as a parent that you perpetuate pain and suffering, you begin to know how important it is to raise your Worthiness Quotient.

Your Worthiness Quotient is how open you are to receiving love, nurturing and support simply for who you were created to be.

That means no more “trying to prove” your worth.

I discovered this truth when I became a parent. I knew something was wrong when I found myself angry all of the time. And then in one of those aha moments, I realized why I was angry: I was denying who I was created to be. I also knew that I was perpetuating a cycle of pain and suffering for my kids by living as my parents did, and that it was up to me to stop the madness. That’s when I made a decision to heal and love myself unconditionally so I could receive simply for being me. That decision broke the cycle.

Let’s focus on “receiving” for a moment.

Our society says that to receive is selfish. This is a “Good Child Rule” that most of us have been raised to believe. It says we must always give, and then when we’ve given enough, we “might” receive love and rewards in return. As adults, this shows up as working ourselves into the ground to get that next raise, staying in a job that we hate, or denying our thoughts, desires and dreams to “win” our family’s love. The list could go on and on here. You get what I’m trying to say.

The problem with living by this Good Child Rule that it’s not OK to receive is that you get really frustrated. You feel as if you’re living on a hamster wheel of stress and struggle. This is why so many are depressed, angry and feel as if that no matter how hard they work at life, they can’t receive what they want. It’s because they are living by this darn Good Child Rule that says it’s selfish to receive. And when you live by this rule, your kids will grow up and do the same thing.

Now let’s talk about “simply for who you were created to be.”

When we live by the belief that it’s not OK to receive until we prove our worth, we separate from our truths. As we live in this disconnect, it’s as if we are shouting out to the Universe, “God, you made a mistake when you made me. I am not enough.” And because you’re living by this belief, that is what shows up. Life is hard. But when you give yourself permission to receive for who you were created to be, you create a deep connection within. You align your heart with God and you open up to receive because you feel worthy of receiving.

No matter what my life looked like to others for years, for me, it felt hard. And I knew I was setting a tone for my kids’ lives to feel hard, too. But as I loved myself unconditionally, I began to feel enough simply for being me. I raised my Worthiness Quotient to inner and outer abundance. I felt worthy of love, joy and happiness without performing. And in this acceptance, I opened up to receive love, nurturing and support from the people around me. That’s when life got a whole lot easier!

I broke the cycle of pain and suffering for my kids. By raising my Worthiness Quotient I have sent a message to them to follow their hearts instead of their heads. Even though they are now grown, over the years and still today, my example gives them the very best chance to thrive instead of simply survive as they make decisions daily to raise their Worthiness Quotients.

If you want your kids to lead lives of peace, happiness and love, you must give yourself permission to receive and raise your Worthiness Quotient. Here are a few steps to help you get started:

1. Stop being good. Pay attention to when you’re trying to prove your worth and STOP. Know that as you continue this madness, you are setting your kids up for failure because they will watch you and learn.

2. Get in touch with your heart. Your heart is your soul speaking to you. Listening to your feelings and what makes you tick is the avenue to connect. Be the Divine Mother to yourself and ask the little kid inside of you, “What rings true for you?”

3. Take inspired action. When you perform and try to be good, you act from your ego. Your ego keeps you in survival mode, perpetually living on that hamster wheel of stress of trying to prove your worth. But when you go within and ask what rings true for you and then take action, you live in prosperity mode. That’s because you are living from your heart instead of your head. Instead of putting everyone else first, you are putting God first. This is inspired action.

4. Let go of guilt. Some of us never follow our hearts and others do, but continue to feel awful. That’s because there is still that underlying belief that you’re wrong for standing in your truth. This is guilt energy. And guilt puts you right back on that hamster wheel of stress and struggle, even if you’re trying to love yourself. Let the guilt go, knowing that as you love and honor the real you, you are aligning with God and raising your Worthiness Quotient.

Living from your heart creates a connection to God.

As you stop the performance and let go of guilt, you put God first! 

You raise your Worthiness Quotient, shifting from survival mode to thrive mode, becoming an example for your kids to watch you and learn!

These are four simple steps to raise your Worthiness Quotient. I know they might seem scary when you consider that this probably goes against the grain of how you were raised. But the old way isn’t working.

If we want to give our kids the very best of peace, love and happiness, we parents must raise our Worthiness Quotients and set the tone so they thrive instead of survive. It’s not what we do for our families, but how we live our life that impacts them the most.

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Are you ready to raise your Worthiness Quotient so your kids can watch you and learn? If you are, please join me for a 6-week live tele-class that will help you shift your life from survival mode to thrive mode. It begins this week so don’t wait to check it out. Click here to learn more!