I have to vent. I don’t do that much here in this blog, but I want to share my thoughts about a topic that I feel is absolutely a must to discuss.
As some of you may have seen my video last week on Facebook, I am currently training as a dancer for the upcoming charity benefit for Enotah CASA called Dancing with the North Georgia Stars. I love this volunteer organization and how they are the safe-havens for so many kids in the foster-care system.
One of the jobs I agreed to as a dancer was to raise funds by selling ads and sponsorships. This is one aspect of the competition. I have actually loved being out in my community meeting some incredible people. I’ve made new friendships and have had some wonderful conversations. What I feel frustrated by, however, are the people who tell me to come by the next day for an ad, at a given time, and then when I get there they are nowhere to be found. And these are business people!
I’ve had this happen several times and have continually followed up with telephone calls to see if they’re still interested in supporting the kids. And each time, they stammer and say, “I’ve changed my mind.”
I have no problem with people changing their minds. In fact, I have no problem if you want to say no at the get-go. What I have a problem with is that these people don’t have the consideration to let me know what’s going on. Instead, they hide and don’t show up for our meeting because they are afraid to say no when all they had to do was pick up the phone and tell me the truth.
Folks, it’s okay to say no. In fact, it is a terrific gift when you stand in your truth and let other people know how you really feel. Then you don’t waste each other’s time.
Have you ever avoided a situation because you didn’t want to say no? Did you possibly think it might make the other person feel bad if you did so?
I know I used to do that. But the truth is that you do people a great favor when you’re honest.
We are so trained in our society to take care of everyone else and not honestly express ourselves, believing this is the kind and loving thing to do. But I’m here to shout out loud to the world, THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH.
Being honest with the people around you is an incredible gift. When you speak your truth and say no, you send a message that says, “I value you enough to be honest with you. AND I value myself enough to stand in my truth.”
How can you go wrong with that kind of attitude? It’s a win-win for everyone.
Okay. So now that I’ve gotten that off of my chest, I want to encourage you to look at your life and see if you’re a person who avoids saying no. If you are, ask yourself why.
Are you afraid of hurting others? Are you afraid they’ll be mad at you and that you might possibly lose their love? Are you afraid that they’ll see you as selfish or bad?
Most of us were brought up to be good. And being good meant you couldn’t express what you wanted, especially if you were saying no to others needs and desires. But as you can tell from my little rant, this attitude is not the kind and loving thing to do.
I invite you to take this week and get honest with yourself. See where you want to say no but don’t actually do it. Then reframe the situation and think of the message you’ll send to others if you take a stand and tell the truth. Imagine the gift you’ll give the people around you if they learn to say no from watching you.
Photo Copyright: jaykayl / 123RF Stock Photo
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Standing in your truth is always the loving thing to do. Find out why in my free e-book, Women Leaders of Love. Get immediate access along with its three companion meditations by filling in the boxes below.
Terri
Thank you for your blog on truth! I love how you said ” Being honest with the people around you is an incredible gift. When you speak your truth and say no, you send a message that says, “I value you enough to be honest with you. AND I value myself enough to stand in my truth.” I am finally learning how to say no (after many years of counseling) and I find it empowering. I love how you stated that when one says no, its actually valuing oneself. Thank you for sharing your honestly and for encouraging women to speak in truth and letting us know that saying “no” is okay and that we are valued.
Thank you for writing Brenda. Saying no was hard for me in the beginning. But it was the fact that I didn’t say no in the past that kept me angry with my family and with others. I finally had to realize that I was angry at myself for not standing in my truth.
Terri,
I can totally relate, I had the same issue when I was fundraising for my sons hockey team. Maybe we should send a copy of this blog to the people that caused us such frustration. As a matter of fact, I think I will do just that. Things wont get fixed if they don’t know its broken. Even if nothing on their end changes I will feel better knowing I did my part to try to remedy the situation. Hopefully the next time I fundraise my time and sanity will not be wasted.
Jay, I agree that many people don’t realize this is an issue. They think they’re being nice by just not saying anything. But it’s a waste of everyone’s time and energy when people don’t speak up. I’d much rather someone look straight into my eyes and say, “No, I’m not interested” than to try to placate me. This isn’t just with fundraising. Think about people on the dating scene. How many times do people drag things out before they reveal their true selves? And we wonder why we have such a high divorce rate. It’s because the relationship begins without full authenticity. Thank you for writing and for sharing your heart. I hope you do share this blog with others. Things will only change when people realize there is a kinder, more loving way of living.
I’m with you on this…..totally! I can’t put an ad in, but I can send a check to you to add to the money you are raising! Do I send it to you or to the organization in your name? Send address then please. Go for it!
Thank you Cat! You can absolutely donate to the organization and our team. That’s part of the competition. All you have to do is go to http://dancingwithnorthgastars.com. Once you get there, hit the donate button. You’ll fill in all the info and then will be asked which team. Make sure to put TEAM 12! Thank you!!!
Terri – you rock, girl! I am so sorry this has happened to you, but you and I both know nothing is a coincidence. The experience led to this incredible blog; and the folks who have been incapable of saying “No” to you are feeling worse than you are mad. They’ll progress down their own path as you move own and work your magic on folks who say “YES”! I, for one, can’t wait to see you dance in April! Love you, Terri.
Thank you Laurie! I appreciate your support so much. I agree with you. If I could give every person on this planet a gift, it would be for them to find their voices and KNOW that it is ok to use them. And that it’s the greatest gift to all involved when you are honest with others. Thank you for being here! Hugs, Terri
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Terri!!!
I fully understand and agree! It is all too often I encounter someone in my life, including those close to me, who take a passive aggressive approach to what it is they want. Having been deemed a “tell it like it is” kind of lady, from basically out of the womb, lol!, I find this rather frustrating and counterproductive! And while I (mostly) understand where they are coming from/why they might choose this direction, I have also learned that if we would all just be honest with ourselves and others, in a respectful way, we would foster healthier relationships, …and perhaps help the world be a better/easier place!
Hey, Heather! Thank you for writing. I couldn’t agree more. The world would be a better place if everyone were honest.