Do you ever feel unseen?

Do you ever feel unseen? In my last blog, I discussed our current political environment and the fact that so many are angry because they don’t feel seen, heard and valued by our government…and they’re sick of it. I also shared that these feelings are really based in how we treat ourselves. In this blog, I want to take this discussion deeper into why you may sometimes feel unseen in certain areas of your life.

Feeling unseen may show up in your life as getting passed over in a job. Have you ever had that happen and didn’t understand why?

Another way feeling unseen reveals itself is in not being acknowledged or appreciated in your relationships. I felt that way as a young wife and mom. I felt as if everyone was seen in our home and I wasn’t.

Feeling unseen shows up in many ways. Struggling to find a romantic partner is a big one for many women. And so is having an intimate relationship with a partner that already exists.

If you have your own business and feel as if you can’t break through your glass ceilings, chances are you feel unseen.

Feeling unseen is different for each of us. Sometimes we might feel completely seen in our work but feel as if we blend into the walls at home.

Think about your life for a moment. Ask yourself, “Do I feel unseen?” What comes up for you? Do you feel emotional? Or do you feel neutral? If you feel emotional in any way, you most likely have a belief that says you don’t deserve to be seen. You are reading this blog because it is time to let it go.

Your current negative feelings are your guides to get to the root of your issue. You feel emotional because an old false belief is being triggered. It’s a belief that is most likely from your childhood that says you can’t be seen.

I remember diving into my feelings of being unseen. I found myself in a memory as a child sitting in front of my dad. He was reading the newspaper. It was like a wall between us. I wanted him to put that paper down and see me. But I didn’t feel as if I could say this out loud. I felt I would “bother” him if I did.

I took on a belief back then that said, “I can only be seen when someone says it’s okay.” So I spent my life trying to prove that I was worthy of receiving others’ attention. I shifted this belief when I made a decision to take the time to see myself first.

If you feel you are not being seen, it is time for you to see yourself.

Woman at window pensive

As I mentioned in my last blog about the political environment, everything is a mirror to how you treat yourself. If you feel you aren’t being seen in a particular area of your life, your feelings are telling you to see yourself first.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had women say things such as, “Terri, there are no men out there. I haven’t had a date in years.” Or, “I’m sick and tired of my husband. I feel invisible to him.” What they’re really telling me is that they probably don’t have permission to be seen for who they are. If you’re one of these women, see the good in you and what you bring to relationships. Acknowledge this. Tell the little girl inside of you what makes her special and unique. Then ask yourself, “What is the belief that says I can’t be seen simply for being me and blocks me from having a loving relationship?”

If work is where you struggle and you feel as if your glass ceiling is built with cinder blocks, ask yourself, “What is it that I need to see in myself so others will see these things in me as well?”

You are the one who determines what happens in your life. You can choose to hang on to your old patterns that say you’re not worthy of being seen. Or you can let them go by looking within.

After recognizing the belief that you’re holding onto, take action to shift it.

I used to feel unseen when I was with my late husband, Steve. He was a big strapping guy, built like a pro football player. You couldn’t help but remember Steve simply because of his size. And people often did. I’ll never forget walking into a restaurant with him many years ago and the waiter remembered him immediately. But he didn’t seem to acknowledge me. That’s when it hit me: I felt like a shadow to Steve. I felt unseen. But in that moment, I shifted it.

I realized I was playing small and not allowing myself to be seen, and this was a running theme. I saw that when I wasn’t with Steve, I was much more dynamic and had fun with the waiters. But I didn’t when Steve was with me. With that realization, I gave myself permission to stop hiding and allowed myself to shine. I immediately began cutting up and laughing with waiters. I’ve changed so much over the years and have built such warm relationships with waiters, as well as the owners, that now when I walk into a restaurant, I spend the first five minutes chatting and hugging everyone there.

Feeling seen is a choice. What are you willing to shift in your life so that you feel seen? Go into awareness of your feelings. Allow them to take you to the belief that says you are not worthy of being seen. And then take action to shift it like I did.

The most important step you can take to release those horrible feelings of being unseen is to spend time with your inner child daily. By seeing her and acknowledging her, you will feel worthy of being seen. You will raise your Worthiness Quotient to abundance. And because you are treating yourself as if you deserve this kind of love, your relationships will change and so will your work. The world will see you when you see yourself first.


Ready to raise your Worthiness Quotient and feel seen, heard and valued in every area of your life? Grab my Free Ebook now!

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  1. Terri, I remember one of these conversations with you during a portion of your life. I understand what you mean. We are both very visible women in our own right. However we have suffered the illness of wanting so desperately to be truly seen by someone. I went so far as to complete a ThD and PhD to reach a ground where I felt worthy of this person. I waited for over 20 years to be seen. Although we have had an ongoing relationship he recently got married. His comment struck me to my core, I don’t love her it’s just easy. I have too much baggage and you should have more than me. He said, I could never bear to really hurt you or see heartfelt disappointment in your eyes. I respect you I do not her. I am struggling with this whole concept. One part feels like, I earned your respect and love. The answer I have gotten is not really any.

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