What’s blocking your relationships? Take a moment and think of a relationship in which you struggle. Is it with your significant other? Or maybe it’s with a friend, a parent, a boss or a kid? Have you ever asked yourself why it’s difficult? What is blocking this relationship from thriving?
We humans tend to blame others for what is not working in our relationships, believing the other person isn’t making us feel wanted, valued or loved. That’s when we shut down our hearts and disconnect even more.
But did you know that blocks in your relationships are actually meant to help you find yourself?
Wherever you feel disconnected in a relationship is where you’re usually disconnected within yourself.
I’ve coached a lot of women over the years and relationship issues are usually the core reason they come to see me. Some of these women bring their hubbies. I’ll never forget one woman I’ll call Robin*. She brought her husband to me because she wanted to fix him. Robin was extremely unhappy and thought her hubby was the problem. She believed he wasn’t filling her up. Robin felt he treated her as if she didn’t matter.
You can only imagine Robin’s shock when I told her, “Your husband isn’t the problem. Your issue is with yourself.”
Thankfully, Robin listened and made a decision to heal by becoming a coaching client. However, instead of focusing on what was wrong with her husband, we focused on him as a gift.
I invited Robin to see her relationship with her hubby as a spiritual agreement. His spirit was playing a part for Robin to heal. Every time she came in complaining about her husband, I took her into a deep meditation and asked her to allow those feelings to guide her to similar feelings in the past. Our intention was to go as far back as she could remember. She was often in shock to have memories surface that she had long forgotten or never knew existed.
By diving into her feelings, Robin remembered difficult childhood experiences where her parents, teachers, friends or other authority figures lashed out at her or tried to control her to act a certain way. And sometimes the memories had nothing to do with what others did to her. Sometimes her feelings simply took her back to memories where, as a little child watching others, she made decisions about how she “must be” to receive love.
Difficult childhood experiences often create subconscious false beliefs in your mind. For Robin, she took on beliefs that told her she was not enough, that she didn’t matter, and that she had to “get it right” to be loved. And with each belief, Robin lost a little bit of herself.
Robin discovered in our sessions that these beliefs had become her filters for how to deal with life and relationships. Instead of being true to herself, she finally realized that she had been performing for love. And in her performance, she disconnected from her heart. Without knowing it throughout her married life, every choice she made as to how she “had to be” as a wife was based in fear of not being loved.
Awareness of the rules in your mind is a giant step into healing your relationships. However, if you miss these next components, you will remain unhappy.
You have to release your subconscious rules, give yourself permission to stand in your truth, AND take action to experience the love and happiness you crave.
During our sessions, after guiding Robin to follow her feelings to the memories and false beliefs, I also invited her to send the energy to the universe with love and then have her ask herself, “What is my truth? What is it that I need to do to make myself feel loved and happy?”
Robin’s life transformed when she gave herself permission to listen to the answers from within and took action. Instead of waiting on her hubby to make her happy, she took responsibility to find the love within.
Robin had thought her husband was the problem. Her resentment towards him drove a wedge between the two of them. But by making a decision to look inside of herself and let go of the old beliefs that were running her life, and by taking responsibility to make herself happy, Robin realized that her resentment that she believed was aimed at her hubby was really towards herself.
Robin’s issues with her hubby were truly a gift to find herself!!
By retrieving the gift of her difficult relationship, Robin healed. And so did her marriage. As she created a connection within, the walls with her husband came down and their marriage became passionate and alive again.
All along Robin thought her hubby was the problem, when in fact, she simply wasn’t loving herself!
Do you have a relationship like Robin’s that feels blocked? What is it trying to tell you about yourself? I invite you to go within and heal. And, if you feel called to share, tell us what you discovered. We all learn from one another and we want to hear from you!
(Robin*: the name has been changed as well as some of the details to protect client’s privacy.)