Watching Kolbi Grow

My daughter, Kolbi, is hurting right now. She and her boyfriend, Adam, broke up a couple of days ago after dating for a year. Kolbi’s the one who made the break. Nothing horrible happened. Adam is an incredible young man with the gentlest of hearts. The relationship, as it was, simply ran its course.

The sad thing is that not only have Kolbi and Adam been in a dating relationship, these two young adults are the very best of friends. They do everything together. It’s not unusual to see them running out the door to photograph a sunset, or to spend the day outside doing water sports. They love being active together. And that is the dilemma.

This is not the first break-up for Kolbi this year. A few months ago she made a decision to separate from a group of girls that had been her so-called friends. As some of them accused of her being anti-social, Kolbi said, “I’m not anti-social. I’m anti-bullying. You all not only bully other people, but you bully each other. And you know I don’t do bullying.”

I was so proud of her for taking a stand to surround herself with love and to be a healing voice. But I knew it would be hard for her to step away from the tribe. High school girls can be really tough. I felt pretty certain that Kolbi would lean on Adam even more as a result. And she did. So you can only imagine how shocked I was when she told me that they had broken up. I watched silently as Kolbi cried, “Momma, I’m not just letting my boyfriend go. He is my best friend.”

I wanted to sob for Kolbi. And, frankly, I did later on. It is so darn hard sometimes being a momma. We just want to wrap our babies up like when they were young and snuggle them up so tight to protect them from harm. But I know this is life. I want to make her pain go away. But it’s not my job.

Yes, I would like to think that my job is master mom extraordinaire and that I have the powers to heal my daughter’s heart. But I don’t. Bummer. It is so hard to sit back on the sidelines and watch.

What I know for sure is that THIS is Kolbi’s path. And because I know this, I bring myself back to center and sit in awe at the courage she has. I know my job is to simply hold a space of love for her as she finds herself.

Kolbi is letting everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, go to honor her heart. This 17-year-old child of mine is becoming an empowered young woman of courage and conviction. Wow! I feel so honored to watch her grow. How did I get so blessed?


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