I remember about the age of 12 or 13, looking up at the yellow sky with angry looking clouds and asking, “Is this the second coming of Christ? Am I going to hell today?”
What a heavy burden for a child.
The idea of suffering in hell scared me to death. It was that day, I believe, that I made a decision to always try to be good.
So I spent the next 20 years trying to do things “right.” I believed I had to be nice, put myself on the back burner, shut down my wants and needs, and always “act” good, so as not to receive God’s wrath.
It was in my effort to be good, however, that I lost myself. I felt angry, sad, often depressed, and a lot of the time hopeless. I felt alone. And I did not feel valued and loved. I thought that other people “made me” feel this way. However, this wasn’t the case at all. I suffered because I lived my life afraid of what might happen if I wasn’t good. I was afraid of God and being sent to hell.
In my mind, God was this man sitting on a throne just waiting for me to mess up. So, I continued to “perform,” always trying to “act” like a good girl. And in my effort to save my kids from pain, I pushed them to be good, too.
For a long time, I believed the only reason I pushed my kids and myself was because I thought this was going to bring us all success and happiness. I didn’t relate this “push” to my fear of God and hell. I had pulled away from religion over the years and really didn’t think much about hell. I just knew that in my effort to “make us all good,” I finally got to a point that I couldn’t stand my life. I had no idea at that time what my “real drive to be good” was all about. I only knew that I had to make a change. So I made a decision to stop trying to “do things right” and, instead, love and accept myself unconditionally.
Interestingly, when I set an intention to heal my life, I was guided to an energetic school for healing. I learned tools to heal the false subconscious beliefs of how I thought I was “supposed to be,” otherwise known as “the good girl rules.” These hidden false beliefs are what caused my emotional pain. By releasing these beliefs, I began to love myself and discovered I had gifts as a clairvoyant and energetic healer. Boy, did I get flack for this!
I had loved ones and friends completely back away from me for fear that I was working with the devil. It was really hard to hear their accusations and comments like, “I’m afraid you’re being taken over by the Anti-Christ,” or “I’m scared you’re going to hell.” My whole body convulsed when I heard their remarks. Talk about breaking the good girl rules! Every fear about God and being sent to hell raised its ugly head. And yet, I knew deep down I was on the right path. By using the tools I discovered while at the healing school and then implementing them into my daily life, I saw my emotional angst heal. I became more peaceful, happier, and felt a connection within that I had never felt. I was finally loving and accepting myself.
Not only did I feel a connection within, I also felt a connection to the loving energy of God and the angels. I let go of the belief that God was a man sitting on a throne and began to feel God in everything. Whether it was a man on the street, an animal or something on the radio or TV, I allowed myself to experience God’s love and guidance in the world around me.
I made a commitment that instead of trying to be good, I would sit down daily to talk to the “other side” and surrender to the guidance. I worked energetically with Christ and the angels, as well as spirit guides. I felt a connection to the whole universe! With each conversation, I began to slowly trust that they were here to guide and support me if I would just slow down and pay attention. But let me tell you, it was scary at times! More often than not, my guidance told me to break another rule in my mind of how I “thought I was supposed to be to receive God’s love and abundance.” But with each release of old limiting beliefs, I felt a deeper sense of peace, joy and unconditional love.
Not only did I heal, but my family did as well. I no longer felt the need to control my loved ones to be good. I allowed them to be themselves. And in this acceptance, we all thrived! Fighting stopped. And the walls came down, especially between my hubby and me. Compassion, forgiveness, greater communication and intimacy became a way of life for everyone.
Our unconditional love and acceptance at home soon flowed over to our friends, schools and community. Other kids came to our home to have a safe haven to talk and explore their feelings that they couldn’t share with their own families. Adults would come up to me and say things like, “Can I tell you about an experience that I had? I can’t tell anyone else.” People knew they could let go of their need to be good with us and find the freedom to be themselves.
Healing not only happened with family and friends, but also with strangers on the street. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve crossed paths with others, for only a few brief moments, and have a healing occur for them.
As I have observed my life and others’ over the years, religious beliefs that cause pain and suffering have been the re-occurring themes. So I made a decision to go deeper and clean this up within myself.
During prayer and meditation, I found myself doing more and more past life regressions of religious persecutions. I’m talking about past lives from centuries ago! Yes, I know. This is completely against what I was taught by religion. I was taught that THIS is it. And if you don’t get it right, you’re going to hell. But by energetically cleaning up these old past life beliefs, my relationship with God flourished. Once again, I was shown that the more I gave myself permission to be myself and release beliefs that weren’t true for me, I found a closer relationship with God. And, by recognizing and healing past lives, I finally knew that THIS is not it, and my beliefs about hell went away.
I believe hell is here on earth. Hell is in our minds. We experience hell when we choose to separate from God by trying to be good. But when we go within and release hidden subconscious beliefs from this life or past lives, and give ourselves permission to live in our truths, we find God. The kingdom of God is within you.
As you allow the kingdom of God to reside within you and stand in your truth, you love unconditionally. You release any fears of hell. You feel worthy of God’s love and support. And it is in this trust that you allow God to show up.
I believe THIS is the second coming of Christ, not what I used to believe as a child. I believed that I had to “perform” to stay out of hell. But this is what caused my emotional pain and suffering and created my own hell on earth. If you’re living your life with a subconscious belief like mine, I don’t believe you’ll ever find true peace here on earth. But, and it’s a BIG but, when you allow yourself to be an expression of God, loving and accepting yourself unconditionally, you give birth to the Christ within and find peace on earth.
What fears are you ready to release? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.