Are You and Your Friends Emotionally Intelligent?

As I write this blog, I am preparing to leave for Canada to spend a week with one of my dearest friends. Barb is like a sister to me. We’ve been friends for over 23 years!

Barb and I met in Tahiti when I was seven months pregnant with my oldest daughter. Why in the world I chose to go to Tahiti at that time of my pregnancy is beyond my comprehension now. I spent most of my “getaway” vacation getting away from the heat. I hid inside trying to keep the humidity from turning my ankles and hands into water balloons. The gift in that trip, however, was that I met Barb.

Barb and I bonded by bashing our husbands’ ex-wives. Yep, we were like two old witches mad at the world. We both were stepmoms to our husbands’ kids and dealt with what we considered to be the evil exes. We spent the first several years of our friendship chatting on the phone or traveling to see each other, sharing the woes of our lives. Each of us was an emotional mess. We felt as if we were victims of our circumstances. We felt unheard, undervalued, and somewhat unloved. Neither of us was emotionally intelligent.

Then I decided to heal.

I knew I didn’t want to play the victim role anymore. Nor did I want to feel as if my life was in emotional chaos. I often found myself angry, resentful, and bitter, and I was tired of it! My gut told me that if I wanted my life to change that I had to be the one to do it. The scary thing about making this decision, however, was that I didn’t want to lose people’s love. I had struggled for years feeling as if I didn’t fit in. I didn’t feel as if I belonged anywhere. I was afraid that if I changed, the people who were in my life might not love me anymore. I was terrified of being alone. But I also knew that I had to take that risk.

I did lose friends. Many of them. I no longer wanted to be around their drama. I no longer wanted to feel as if I had to walk on eggshells to be with others for fear that I might do something wrong or say something that would turn our relationships upside down…again and again and again. Thankfully, Barb was not one of them.

Barb became my spiritual buddy. We each made a commitment to take responsibility for what was not working in our lives. Instead of blaming others, we began to see each situation as a gift and an opportunity to learn about ourselves.

The energy of our weekly conversations completely shifted. Yes, there was still emotional chaos at times, but instead of wallowing in it and being victims, we became sounding boards for one another. We held each other accountable to learn and grow, letting go of who we thought we “should be” in the world to truly loving and honoring the way we each were created.

By sharing our hearts and being fully authentic with one another, Barb and I grew as individuals so that we could be fully authentic with everyone. And in this inner freedom, we felt loved, heard and valued. We both became happier, more peaceful, passionate and playful. By becoming emotionally intelligent within ourselves and with each other, we finally felt as if we “fit” and belonged in the world around us.

As I look at our relationship energetically, 23 years ago Barb and I held a very low vibration. We bonded because we matched energetically. We were both emotionally UN-intelligent! But everything changed when I shifted my mindset to one of inner healing. I raised my vibration and so did Barb when she committed to healing. Those who didn’t make that decision to heal fell away because our vibrations no longer matched. Thank goodness! When I made a decision to heal, my actions sent a message to the Universe that said I was ready to be surrounded by love. And that is exactly what showed up! Woo hoo!

It is scary when you think about what can happen when you make a decision to change your life. But here’s the truth: when you commit to inner healing, not only do you raise your vibration to happiness and freedom, but you open up to receive other things that match your energy. This means you will attract better friends, mates and work places. Everything will change for the better. And in the case of a friend like Barb, you will develop a deep sense of sisterhood that is based in unconditional love, not emotional chaos. You will become emotionally intelligent in all areas of your life and finally feel as if you belong.